A letter to the old man.

Hello, Pops.

Funny how it’s been exactly 5 years yet I still want to cry every time I let myself think of you. I miss you so much pops. It’s bit unfair, you’re peacefully resting up there, leaving us clueless here.

Well I am clueless about my job. There are soooo much I want to ask you, I want to tell you. I miss having you driving me to school.

Mom looks clueless as well, I think she misses you still. Do you think it’ll be okay if she starts dating? Yes? No? I don’t have an answer to that as well.

Oooh look at me, trying to catch up with you but bringing you nothing but not-so-good news. Okay okay start over.

We are doing superb here Pops! Life’s been great!

Wait… that doesn’t sound sincere.

Hello Pops.

I miss you so much. There are so many things I want to say to you, but I can’t anymore.

I just googled your name and found a message from your high school mailing list. It was dated back in 2008, they created a thread in your honor. It was during your 1 year death anniversary. (Death anniversary.. does that term even exist?) They loved you pops. In fact, I think everyone loves you until now. Whenever I meet your friends, colleagues, they always talk good things about you. Been 5 years, never I heard someone talks about you in a bad way.

Here’s usually what happened whenever I meet someone who knows you :

“Oh.. your Usa’s daughter? I remember him, very kind man, he was. He used to blablablablabla..”

Never a negative word.

Super proud, I am, Pops. I wish when I’m gone, people would still talk about me like they talk about you.

You know as I am building my career now, I think of you more often. Whenever I don’t know what to do, I like to think of what you would do.

I hope, my kids will have a father like you. I hope, I will marry someone like you.

Thank you Pops, I learned so much from you, I learned persistence, sincerity, I learned how to strive, and many other things. Combined with Mum’s faith and patience, I’m so lucky to have you both as my parents.

Well before I start to cry, here’s one very clear memory I have about you.

You were on your business trip to Singapore. As always I would ask you to bring me something. I texted you, something like this “Pa, can you buy me CD from Tamia – Officially Missing You?” and you replied. “Okay, CD Tamia. Miss you too.” It was so funny cause you actually thought that I said Miss you, in fact it was the title of the CD! I still remember that clearly and until now, always think of you whenever I hear that song.

Anyway.. Rest in peace Pops.

You’ll forever be missed, but I believe your resting in God’s arms now.

Till we meet again, much love.