22:13 pm

im feeling low..
its near the end of my first semester (one more month to go) and deadlines of assignments are approaching.
im taking 3 subjects this semester, and im having 3 final assignments as well. no exams. (woohoo?)

one is advertising strategy --- teaches you everything there is to know about advertising from the theories to how advertising agencies work and the job role of an AE, for example :p
there is also Strategic Marketing and Branding --- teaches you to think strategically, towards future and all that. this is my favorite subject so far.
last but not least, Integrated Marketing Communications --- teaches you how IMC really works, you do this, you do that to promote your brand/activities/whatever but make sure it is integrated (have the same line, tone, voice, etc) otherwise its useless.

for advertising strategy, i have a 3500 words essay, due next friday the20th, where i should answer the question, how advertising can combat cognitive dissonance in luxury goods.. which i am currently working on and have no idea how to finish it..

for strategic marketing and branding, i have a 5000 words essay about Ryanair, the low cost airline from Ireland, which due Dec18th, the last day of this term. I have to analyse their current situation and propose a strategic plan for them.

for IMC, i have a 5000 words report about a current IMC campaign from a particular organization which doesnt really work, and come up with a better campaign (think yourself as a consultant), due Dec4th. I already chose my case study, which is 3 UK, the cellphone operator.

Im not too worried about the last two assignments.. even though the word count is more, but i think i have more knowledge about them. plus, it is kinda practical.. talking about real companies and real situations happening in the market.

Its the first assignment, the one that im currently doing, which worries me the most.
at first i promised myself that i will finish the essay this Sunday night.. but it's already 10pm and im far from finish. this assignment requires me to criticize journals, scholarly publications.. which i totally dont know how to do it. ive locked myself up in my room this saturday and sunday, but im still havent finished yet, and i think i wont sleep tonight. well maybe couple of hours only. i didnt reach my own target, which was finishing this essay on sunday night.. and now im setting a new one. finish it by Tuesday night. get it reviewed by wednesday, make some revisions if necessary, so i can relax a bit on thursday then hand it in on friday morning. (deadline is friday 12.00pm)

sounds like a plan, right?
but the truth is.. im so dissapointed at myself. i thought i will be able to do this assignment smoothly.. having this obstacles made me think a lot.
"what if i dont have what it takes to get a master degree?"
"what if i will fail?"
"what if im not smart enough?"
"what if im not competent enough?"
"what if i just bail out of this course and come back gome?
"what if my parents spent money for nothing?
"what if i dont succeed?"

those thoughts are driving me crazyyyy at the moment..
im so doomed, im so stressed out, i dont even know what to think nemore.
look, it took me even faster to write on my blog than to write a paragraph on my essay. dammniiittt....

i know, i know, i sound pathetic. but i just think if i post this, it will ease my stress and made me feel better, then i cud go back to work again.

deep down i know that i can. there must be a reason why God let me go here and take this course. i bet He wants me to learn. and in my learning process, i know things arent always easy, unless it wudnt be called learning process. sometimes you have to hit an end, to pause, take that moment to evaluate, then go back and find another way to succeed.
my moment to evaluate is to write on this blog.
my other way to succeed is to think of my parents and how they have work so hard for me, take a deep breath, do my Isya prayer, and write my essay again.

Bismillah.. please be with me in every step, dear God.. :)