. christa bercerita .

Being 25

2012-01-27T15:17:00.000+07:00

So I had a discussion about what I want in life. What is my goal, what makes me happy.When being asked those questions, I froze. I couldn’t answer, but I had these millions thoughts in my head.

Oh, I think I want this, but no, I’d have to do this and that to achieve it and I think it won’t be possible.Oh, okay I’d want this instead. But am I sure? Is that really what I want? That sounds easy.. but really?

Gazillions thoughts (okay im exaggerating, but a lotttt of them) came across my mind and made me unsure.I used to know what I wanted and I was very sure of it. Im the kinda person who sets plans. Resolutions, short term, long term, and I was so sure of my 5 year plan, from 20 – 25 years old.

Now as I just turn 25 recently.. I’m confused. I want this and that, this and that, this and that.Frustrating, really. So I guess this is what they call.. quarter life crisis? :D

I think I shall go on a holiday, relax, and just clear my mind and think about it carefully afterwards.. no biggie! :)

Speaking of which.. Bandung and Bali vacay are comingggg! Will post later about them :)

Suddenly everything has changed

2012-01-25T10:56:00.000+07:00

Inspired by a brilliant track by Postal Service, one of my favorite band.. I’m going to write about change.

Change, some say, is inevitable. I even heard somewhere that if there’s anything’s that certain in life, it is change.

I, of course, like any other people in the world, have gone through so many changes in life. In this 25 years of my life, there are countless of changes I’ve been through. Some major, some barely remembered.

Change of haircut, change of school, change of music preference, change of house, change of clothing style, change of interest.

Now change of interest, is interesting. Can one change one’s interest towards a particular thing? A particular someone? For example, can one declare that one self likes to run, then stop liking it months after?

I think one can. Well, I can.

As far as I can remember, I have had interest towards so many things. Some stay until present, some I lost interest in. However, there are similarities of all those interest. I used to love collecting stamps. Now I love collecting postcards. Why I ditched collecting stamps? Because I think postcards (hand – written ones, sent through mail) have more value, have more stories behind it. I love the warm feeling every time I received a hand written postcard.

So my conclusion is… we ditch our old interest for something more interesting, something better. And that, I think, can apply to relationship as well.

See boy meets girl, have interest towards her, ask her out, went on few dates, then just leave. Why? There is nothing wrong with the girl, the girl is still plain awesome. It’s just the boy might have met another girl, a more interesting one. And the cycle will keep go on, until boy meets the one. Same goes for the girl, of course :)

Now the big question is.. should we keep ditching our old interest towards the new one, or do we , at one point, need to just accept what we have right now, and start to settle?

the one about the airport.

2012-01-24T11:54:00.001+07:00

Of all places I’ve been and things I’ve seen, I consider two places as favorite. One, obviously is the beach, and the other one is the airport.

I think the airport represents mixed of emotions. It describes human connection, relationship towards each other. It’s where you sent off your loved ones, and where you welcome them home.

You can see people with tears as they bid farewell and wish good luck to their loved ones. They can be side by side with jolly people, the ones who are welcoming their loved ones, full of hope as they return home.

In the airport you can also see different types of people. The solo traveler, the businessman/woman, kids with their parents, group of friends, big families, students, almost everyone. All with their unique stories. That’s why I love being in the airport.

Well.. So far my most memorable airport moment was when I arrived in the UK in 2009, London Heathrow Airport. At that moment I was about to start a new journey, one that I’ve been dreaming and anticipating for such long time. I felt happy, anxious, nervous, even sad at the same time. But what I remembered the most, I felt hope. So much hope for my new journey.

Ah.. too bad Jakarta doesn’t have a nice airport.. I would love to spend time there :D

the one about happiness

2012-01-02T02:45:00.002+07:00

Insipired by Alodita's post on happiness, i decided to list down things that made me happy today.. before i finally hit my bed (it's almost 3.00 in the morning! :p)

Here's the list:

1. Seeing tagged pictures from Friday night and Saturday afternoon on Facebook (i look very happy in every pic! :D)
2. Domino's pepperoni pizza for brunch
2. Ice cream bonding session with little brother and cousin at Magnum cafe.
3. Listening to Hardrock FM while driving.. which actually had a superb playlist today!
4. Spinelli's beef shepherd pie + ice latte for dinner
5. Currently stayed up late, browsing through unimportant pretty pictures in Pinterest and streaming youtube videos just like good ol days in Bournemouth!

And that's about it!
What made you happy today? :)

True!

2012-01-02T02:32:00.003+07:00

Source: tobifairley.com via Christina on Pinterest

My 2011 through music

2012-01-02T00:34:00.002+07:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
It's the second day of 2012 already!!
I personally think that 2011 flew soooo fast. dont you think?
I can still remember my 2011 new years eve.. yet yesterday i had my 2012 NYE.
Anyway, let's remember each month that has passed through music, cause after all, music was my company throughout (what i called) the most challenging year in my life (so far).

Okay here goes.....

January
Ended my three year relationship through an ugly broke up, one day before i started my job. Was hollow, numb, having gone through sleepless nights. still trying to figure out what went wrong, full of hope i could somehow fix things.
Song of the month : Adele - Don't you remember.

February
Felt a bit better due to endless support from family and friends. made some new friends at the office. started to go out, met new friends, re-contact old ones. met the ex for what i thought was closure.. only to found out that it wasnt completely an honest one. anywayyy... my friends made me play this one song over and over, they told me it's to help me forget. hahahahaha...
the song of the month was : Cee Lo Green - Forget you.

March
Didnt really think about the ex that much again.. was actually happy spending time with my friends from the office, some i made best friends with until now. It's also the month where i went to Sukabumi for the weekend with the office mates for a farewell to our class training time. Had a goood goooood time in Sukabumi! also went to MGMT's and Mark Ronson's gig this month. As cheesy as this will sound, but i hafta say that i was finally able to smile again this month.
Song of the month : Mark Ronson & The Business Intl - Somebody to love me.
Hahahaha the title seems desperate, eh? dont take it literally, the song was played almost everrrryy day in local radio, and i had a blast during Ronson's gig. yay! :)

April
My bestfriend Jinitya got married this month! successfully host a bachelorette party for her.. then had a great time during her wedding.. full of love :)
I also started to date again, with an old friend of mine whom i havent had contact in a while. We had several dates, it was good fun, but we figured that we were better off as friends.. and we are until now :)
Song of the month was : Bruno Mars - Marry you.
Me and Jinitya's other bridesmaids sang this song on her wedding day.. and i think her wedding was one of the few best weddings i've been.

May
Concert month!! Went to see Sara Bareilles and Ben Folds in Jakarta, also went to Singapore to see Thriller musical live.
Ended up broke by the end of the month.. but hey, i also had some good times! so it's even.
Song of the month : Sara Bareilles - Uncharted.
My favorite song from the album "kaleidoscope heart". Also love the video clip! :)

June
I actually dont really remember what happened in June. hahahaa i guess this month went smoothly and fine. Busy with work, i guess. Ohhh, i remember! i was so into "How to Make it in America" the series this month. and because of that... song of the month has to be : Aloe Blacc - I need a dollar.

too bad HBO cancels the show only after 2 season! booohoo! :(

July
Okay i'll never forget this month as i had a crazy-spontaneous-soul searching trip! this month i went to Singapore (again), alone, for a day trip, on a saturday. Took the first flight and got back with the last one. Watched harry potter and deathly hallows part two in IMAX (my first time too! yayyy!), had Nando's for lunch with some friends, then sat in Orchard Road to contemplate. to think, and observe.. Went home with big smile cause i finally managed to do a solo trip. It felt good and i think im gonna do it again sometime soon..
Song of the month : Breakbot - Fantasy. (for no particular reason, i just loveddd this song at this month)

August
The fasting month! was actually quite busy with work.. but i remember i discovered Conor Maynard in youtube, and i couldnt stop playing his videos while i was working. also discovered a lot of cool youtube videos this month.. and developed this new habit of staying up until morning to browse the internet (like what im doing now) during the weekend. Poor me, the internet connection in my house is super slow.. so the only time i can actually stream youtube without buffering is early in the morning... lol.
Song of the month : Conor Maynard - Next to you.

September
Had quite a life - changing moment which made me re-think what i want in life. Managed to figured out a life lesson, in which is, "never to change you plans because of someone, unless he's your husband." had to learn the hard way to actually figured it out.. but it's okay. i learned. :) started to actively search for opportunities to be able to make my dream come true, and the song of the month was : Death Cab for Cutie - You are a tourist.

October
Had a discussion with mom and brother about my decision and thoughts from the past month. Lucky i had their full support :)
Song of the month : Foster the people - I would do anything for you.
The song is actually my favorite song of the album.. and the album is one of my favorite albums of this year!

November
Sent an application to (what i think would be) the perfect job for me. WPP fellows. Had soooo much hope, yet so dissapointed when i found out i didnt even make it to interview session.
Song of the month : Coldplay - Paradise.

December
My favorite month of the year!! birthday month, holiday month.. i always feel festive during this month. Was so excited for this month, as i could wait to end 2011 to face 2012 with hope that everything will be better. cant say that 2011 was easy.. in fact it was very challenging. but i learned a lot, im proud of myself for the things i did and the things i didnt do.
Although there are mistakes and regrets, doesnt matter. i learned from them.
Song of the month : Florence and The Machine - Last Christmas.

So yeaahh.. those were the songs that were constantly played on repeat this year, and some stories in every month which has passed.
However hard, however sad, i managed to go through this year!
Happy moments, sad moments, some accomplishments, some mistakes... they all made my 2011.
they say live is like riding a bicycle.. in order to keep your balance you must keep moving. (read it somewhere hehehe) so that's what im doing! learn from the past and keep moving forward. YAYYY :D
Cheers to a better 2012! i believe this year will be mine :)

Today

2011-12-05T15:59:00.002+07:00

Today started with a tear.
Not mine, but it sure breaks my heart.
As always, i put on a poker face, went to the office, and smile.

I tried to find digital consolation, only to find more disappointment.
What is a digital consolation anyway?
Nothing, just a simple blackberry messenger chat.
Why do i have to explain this anyway?
I don't know. I can't even explain, actually.

I tried to work, only to find that i left my note book at home.
For a person who writes everything down, working without my note book seems... like half of my brain is left at home.
I can't function, i work so slow, yet tasks keep coming.

Call me crazy but the songs i'm playing on my ipod today are nothing but Paolo Nutini's songs. Rewind and Last Request. back to back, in which every tune and lyric seems to embrace the crazy pain i'm feeling.

Well actually i don't know... is this even pain?
What are these that i'm feeling? All this sorrow and bitter?
I know it's only 4.00 PM, there's still 8 hours to go until the end of the day..
And i have one little request.
Please, make my day....

Well, hello December :)

2011-12-02T12:53:00.002+07:00

Hello December!

Finally, the month that i've been waiting for. my favorite month of the year.
Well not only cause it's my birthday month, but it's just i've always think of the month as a very festive month. the holidays, family and friends gathering.. the month to me brings such warm feeling.

Anyway, this month i'll be turning 25! whoooop! i always think that being 25 will be special for me. i still dont know what is it.. but im guessing there will be something big for me this year. (fingers crossed!)

In the mean time, a lil update of what i've been doing... it's veryyyy busy here at the office! the date for my final presentation as a trainee is approaching, i haven't made the presentation slides as i am still busy with this and that. I've been working till late almost everyday, leaving my exhausted on the weekends, and want nothing but sleeping the whole weekend off. as a result.. almost, i repeat, almost no social life for me! GYAAAH.

Well, im planning to take a leave during Christmas.. so i hope i can relax a bit then.
Till later.. bisous xx

The one about the cardigan

2011-11-28T14:29:00.005+07:00

You know I’m the type of person who strives to get what I want. It has been in my nature to try my best to get what I want.. in terms of everything. Well this time im not gonna write about career, life, or anything, im just gonna write about a particular piece of clothing. ;)

Soooo.. lately I’ve been developing this craving for a piece of cardigan with an elbow patch. Silly eh? You know.. like the one Mr.Bean has.

I used to have one when I was in UK, but I left it when I leave the country, because mine was quite thick, and I thought I would not gonna need it in Jakarta.

I actually forgot how and when this craving begins, but as I can remember, I’ve been searching for the perfect piece for around two weeks now. I’ve went to most high – street brands available in Jakarta’s malls, say Zara, Topshop, Pull&Bear, New Look, Stradivarius, Bershka, even local brands. But I still haven’t find the perfect piece. All I found was either too thick, too expensive, or too big since it’s a Men’s clothing. I’ve also searched online and found some perfect items… but none ship to Indonesia. So yeah..

Last Saturday, as I had no plans, I decided to drive all the way from Selatan to Barat, Central Park mall to be exact, just to search for the cardigan. I thought I was gonna find it there, because the mall has the most complete high – street brands’ stores in Jakarta (It actually has all the names I mentioned above)… but I didn’t find it. Feeling a bit disappointed, having had to drive all the way down, I thought; why not search in other mall, since I was already out anyway. I then thought of Grand Indonesia, as the mall has a forever21 store. I figured I might try it there.. so I went.

Problem is, I forgot that last Saturday was an unusual one. There was a wedding reception of the president’s son in JCC, and there was actually a midnight sale at Grand Indonesia. Those two combined, equals major traffic. Since I was not to familiar with Jakarta Barat – Jakarta Pusat area (I live in Selatan, btw), I also made some wrong turns on my way there..making it a two hour journey from Central Park to Grand Indonesia jussssttt to find the sweater. Eagerly enough? :p

So, after that two hour dreadful journey, I finally made it to Grand Indonesia. Went straight to Forever21 shop, browsed around, and found the cardigan! It was almost perfect…. Except it was a menswear. Lol. But I bought it anyway, because I didn’t want to come home empty handed. The fit was quite good, I can use it as a boyfriend/oversized cardigan. The next morning I took a picture of it and showed it to a friend, and he said it looks good on me. So yeah.. I’m happy :)

Anyway here’s the cardigan I bought.

What do you think? I like it (of course! :p).. though I’m still searching for another colors.. preferably brown or brick red. So if you accidentally spot it while you’re shopping, kindly let me know! Bisous x

These things could made my day.

2011-11-25T11:13:00.014+07:00

It’s 30 days to my 25^th birthday! Wooot! (which means it’s also 30 more days to Christmas!)

Like always, I create wishlist every year. I know some items might be unreasonable, but some, are buy-able! Lol. Who knows.. I'll be getting some of them this year. fingers crossed! :p

Okay so here goes :

1. Apple iPhone 4S in white

Well.. it has been in my dream to have an iPhone. I know I'm saving up some money, but somehow i just had to use the money for other things.. so yeah, this white baby is still on wishlist until now.

2. New Blackberry handheld

The one that i've been using is 3 years old now. It still works, but it starting to show some signs of failure here and there. I need to do soft reboot twice everyday, plus, the battery life sucksssss big time! i have to charge it almost all the time. So i guess, it's the perfect time to buy a new one. I'm planning to buy it by the end of this year.. but who knows i'll be getting it as a present? ;)

3. I wear Up "Stella" sandals in Dark Blue

I wear size 38 :)

Check them out here: I Wear Up

4. Selittoes moccasins in baby pink

again, i wear size 38 :)

Check them out here: LocalBrand

5. Cotton Ink French Rose Santorini Dress

Check them out here: Cotton Ink

6. Impromptu Shop Knit Playsuit in Peach

Check them out here: Impromptu Shop

7. Red Velvet Cake

This yummy cake, has been my favorite since i first found out about it when i was in the UK. i think it's basically an American cake.. but whatever, it is realllyyy yummyy!!!

8. External Hard Disk

I need to organize my digital life! Krrr... I'm currently having a 80GB one, but i think it's almost full so i need a bigger one. :)

9. A trip to New York :)

Would it be awesome to spend your 25th birthday in the city that never sleeps? I've never been to NYC and im planning to go there soon.. *fingers crossed*

10. YOU

Actually.. to sum up.. all i want for christmas/ my birthday is YOU :)
Come and celebrate with me, make my day :)

the one about being bold.

2011-11-24T17:00:00.003+07:00

In life, i have fallen in love several times.
I also have fallen out of love several times, so i guess it's a balance.
I can say that it's quite easy for me to build interest towards the opposite sex.
The key is just... keep up with a conversation with me, because i like to talk.

The thing is.. i have never been bold when it comes to relationship.
I was never the one who made the first move. I waited. It's always either too shy or too much ego for me.

But this one time.. i think im going to be bold. i need to be bold.
Because i think, this guy.. is worth it. Worth to give a try.
Our situation is a bit complicated, i shall say.
But i will give it a try. Because if i dont, i'll never know.

So.. here's to being bold and let him know how i feel.
(deep breath) wish me luck!
Cheers!

The one about cooking.

2011-11-15T17:32:00.002+07:00

You know I miss my live in the UK so much.. well, basically I miss living alone, where I have full control of my life.

During that period in my life, I used to cook almost every day. From basic instant noodle until experimental cooking, I began to enjoy cooking. Some of my specialties were egg fried rice and baked macaroni schotel :D

Anyway.. I was browsing during my break time at the office today, and found some interesting recipes which make me really really wanna cook again.

Here are the links :

Bolognaise Pasta Bake

Italian Meatball Soup

Classic Shepherd's Pie

Asian Beef and Vegetable Casserole

All looks very scrumptious, aren’t they? I think I will try to make the Classic Shepherd’s Pie this weekend. Wooohowww :D

coincidence

2011-11-09T11:40:00.002+07:00

Have you ever felt that everything such a coincidence?

Like it’s universe’s way of making things happen, deliveringa series of events at your doorstep.

That’s what im feeling right now.

EVERYTHING, I repeat, everything about the subject which hasbeen occupying my mind lately, seems like a coincidence.

Our past, present and future, somehow work mysteriously tomake things happen for us… coincidentally.

So what are you gonna do?

Will you let the universe play its role and delivering youmore and more coincidence every day, play with it until you finally able toconnect the dots and make sense of them?

Or…

Will you refuse to be played by coincidence and take charge?Stop everything and just bail out?

It’s your call :)

The search

2011-10-24T11:10:00.002+07:00

With the series of events that happened to me lately, I could not help but wonder, how many times do I have to meet the wrong ones before I finally settled with the ONE?

I’m starting to get tired of going through random dates.

And I really wish I can see you soon. Yes, you Mr.

Let’s meet and have our much anticipated first date. :)

Dear ex, i've been good without you.

2011-10-20T11:37:00.000+07:00

So, like any other day, I listen to music while I’m working. But unlike any other day, today I checked out 8tracks.com. a friend of mine has recommended this website to me a couple days ago, but I just got the time to check it out today. So basically the website offers you a collection of people’s playlist, free for you to listen to. HEAVEN! Why haven’t I discovered this while I was still in the UK when I still got ultra fast internet connection? Krrrrr.

Anyway, on their home page you can see a list of newly made playlist. One caught my attention, as the title’s “Dear Ex, I’ve been great without you.”. HA! I thought it’s gonna be a list of mushy break up songs.. but the description isn’t. it’s tagged under “alternative”, “indie rock”, “soul”, “chill” and it says not your average angsty breakup list. So I gave it a try!

Turns out.. I LOVED it. It actually made me feel good and made me realize, that I am really doing great without my ex. The list is not mushy, and despite Adele’s song in it, it’s not “Someone Like You”. It’s “Set the fire to the rain”

You see, I’ve been trying sooo hard to let go of the ex. No, not because I still love him, but purely because I still cant let go of the fact that he wasn’t being purely honest about things. And yes, because of the fact that he doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore, despite his last words “lets be friends after we broke up”. GYAH. BOYS. LIES. So yeah, I’ve been trying sooo hard to let go of the fact that okay he lied. He said he wanted to be friends but he’s not being friendly anymore, and he doesn’t explain. In short, I was trying so hard to be ikhlas.

Time goes by.. it’s almost a year since we broke up, I’ve dated some guys (none made it serious tho..), I can say that I don’t have feelings for the ex anymore and I’ve finally realized that I can let go. I can let go of the facts I mentioned above. Insya Allah, I am ikhlas. In short.. I can say.. “dear ex, I’ve been great without you”. WOOT WOOT~!

So here’s the link to the epic playlist.. i hope you enjoy it as much as I do. and thank you, feelgoodplaylist for creating it. :)

Dear...

2011-09-26T17:20:00.003+07:00

Dear future husband,

We may haven't met until present, but i hope you would like the way i laugh.
I hope you would tell me that my smile soothes you in a way.
I hope you would gladly listen to whatever stories i have.. cause i would love to share them with you. my past, present, future, daily life, and bla bla bla.
I hope you would travel the world with me.
I hope you can accept my flaws, my mistakes, and everything in between.
I hope you would be my best friend, like best friends we would fight, but we would always manage, we'd compromise and forgive each other.
I hope you'll love my family and friends as much as i do.
I hope you would grow old with me.
I also hope you would expect me to do the same thing to you.. because i would gladly :)

sorry, Jakarta

2011-09-05T16:06:00.001+07:00

So it was the Idul Fitri holiday last week. As always, Jakarta was empty during the holiday, as most of its residents went back to their hometown. The ones left in the city, like me, got to enjoy an empty-traffic free Jakarta. Streets were empty, no traffic, so it was so easy to get around town. Quite a privilege it was.. knowing the usual Jakarta traffic.

Anyway, this morning I woke up so early because I thought the traffic would go back to normal (you know, being Monday, first day after Idul Fitri holiday..), so I left home at 6.45. To my surprise there was hardly any traffic, even I arrived at the office 7.20ish. So I guess most of the people still haven’t come back to the city then.. Good. More days to enjoy the traffic free streets.

Then I told a friend of mine that I love Jakarta when it’s like this. Rather empty, peaceful in a way. I told him that I would enjoy living in Jakarta if this state continued. Because at the moment, Jakarta with its traffic.. not really my slice of pie. I don’t see any reason why I should grow old in this city. Too much stress going on, very little quality of life. I mean, I love metropolitan cities, I’ve always wanted to live in New York and I’ve been to London for a couple of times. London has a lot of gardens, parks, outdoor spaces, where its residents can just relax and chill, a bit escape from their routines. Jakarta? New malls and office buildings are build every day, with only few think of building a proper garden/park.

I told him that I kinda secretly don’t want my future kids to grow up here as well.. I want them to be able to run freely outdoors. I want to take them to the parks on a nice afternoon after I finish my work. Now, the perfect city for me would be… I don’t know. Bournemouth? Lol. Well it’s a beach-side city, rather small and still close to London. Oh.. and New York has it beaches as well.. so it’ll be perfect! :D

Well the thing is, I just want a simple life. I want to enjoy the quality of life.. and I somewhat think that I won’t get that if I stayed in this city. I’m sorry Jakarta but i guess you’re not for me. :(

Singapore, always a pleasure :)

2011-08-24T00:04:00.005+07:00

On that sunny Saturday, 23^rd of July, I landed my feet in Singapore. It was around 8 in the morning, and I was all by myself. Excited like it was the first time I step foot in that country, it did seem like it. Because it was the first time I travel solo.

I have been to the country many, many times, especially when my father had some medical treatments back in 2005-2006. The country is also a popular spot for us Indonesians to have a quick getaway. It is close to home, so air fares are not that expensive, especially with the boom of value airlines. Currency rate is also not that bad, although it keeps increasing from year to year… but still ok. Plus, it has many shiny things to offer to Indonesians. Shopping malls, worldwide brands, culinary feast, until the latest architectural gems. However… I have never been there solo.

So, what took me to Singapore that day? It was basically a mix between a spontaneous action, a guilty pleasure, and a quest to get my mind off things.

Few weeks before that July 23^rd, my friends from the office Tria and Glori suddenly had this idea of watching Harry Potter in Singapore, if the Hollywood blockbuster ban would still continue. It seemed very tempting to me, being a HP fan. However I understand it might be a bit crazy to just go and see movies at a neighboring country. So I kinda ignore the invitation…

It was only a week before when I suddenly decided to check on air fares, and found a cheap promo ticket. But.. it was for a day trip. Leave for Singapore very early in the morning and come back with the last flight… that was the plan. No need to spend for accommodation, and all the hassle of spending the weekend. I would just go , spend the day and come back at night. Budget – wise it seemed logical. Although going on a day trip to other country is a bit crazy I have to admit.. that’s why I said it’s a bit of guilty pleasure. But I also thought a quick and spontaneous getaway would be good for helping me get my mind off things, as that period was not really joy-ish for me. Plus, the chance to see Harry Potter on Imax! Who could resist?

So I went. Carefree, carrying only a tote bag. Went straight to Shaw cinema at Orchard road, to catch the 11 am show time. I don’t need to tell you how the movie was for me.. Bet there are already gazillions HP7 reviews out there. So after the cinema, I went to Bugis and meet Tria and Glori, had lunch together with them. Afterwards we went for a bit window shopping at orchard, until I went on separate way, as I need to catch my flight back. Before going to the airport, I spent some time sitting in front of the new shiny ION Orchard, enjoying the tropical breeze while having a sandwich as my early dinner. That’s one luxury that we can’t have here in Jakarta. Where can I sit outdoors nicely here?

I also got the chance to spend some me-time at the airport, because I arrived early. I love to see people passing by. Some busy, hurrying to the flights. Some laid-back, knowing they still got much time before boarding time. Some busy shopping at the nearest duty free shops, some enjoying their coffees. Then there’s me. Happily sitting at one of Changi’s plush sofas, with a tall Starbucks vanilla latte on hand, and my iPod on the other. I got to think, really. Seeing those people made me wander.. and although I haven’t found the answers to my questions, nor I have found the way to let go off things… but my short travel did help me to enjoy life and relax a bit.

So, thank you Singapore for a short spontaneous trip. And here are some pictures that I took… (edited them already using instagram though..lol)

Changi airport

Ion Orchard

Orchard Road

alive

2011-07-10T15:27:00.000+07:00

I suddenly think that it would be nice to have some parts of your memories wiped out. You know, like that “eternal sunshine of the spotless mind” movie. I think it’ll just make your life easier, happier.

Imagine this. You wake up one day and find that you didn’t win that audition. The one that you’ve been working sooo hard to get. Sucks, right? Then you can go to this place and get your memory about how you’ve been working so hard, and how you participated in that audition, erased. Gone. You go home, go to sleep, and wake up the next morning feeling fresh and happy, as if nothing happened.

Imagine this also. You wake up one day and find that your boyfriend has been having an affair, and he wants to break up with you. Double sucks. Again, you go to this place and get your memory about your relationship, the fact that you two had something something, erased. Gone. You go home, go to sleep, and wake up the next morning feeling happy, and ready to meet your perfect match. Your ex boyfriend? Ex boyfriend who? You don’t even have a memory of you two ever be together!

But then I think again. All those sadness, pain and anger are what make us human. We are human because we feel. Happiness, joy, pain, sadness, anger, all together. Would it makes us less human if we could not feel pain? Would it makes us numb? I don’t wanna be numb, I wanna feel and embrace things, because that makes me alive. Right?

beautiful in its time

2011-07-10T15:23:00.000+07:00

Akhir – akhir ini gue mendengar berita bahagia. Dua – duanya berhubungan sama waktu.

Berita bahagia pertama, Si Komik (kita sebut aja begitu, soalnya dia suka banget baca komik :p), cerita kalau dia udah pindah kantor, ke salah satu kantor konsultan multinasional, yang contoh kasusnya sering dipake di modul-modul kuliah bisnis di seluruh dunia. KEREN bgt kaaann! Dan dia dapetin kerjaan itu bukan dengan gampang, udah lama dia pengen keluar dari kantornya yang dulu, nyari – nyari kerjaan kesana kemari, interview dan tes berkali kali, sampe akhirnya.. she got this job. Everything turns out to work really well for her in the end. So happy for her :)

Berita bahagia kedua, dari Si Tumblr (kita sebut begitu soalnya dia aktif sekali di tumblr, so I’ve seen). Sebenernya gue nggak tau sih cerita awalnya si tumblr ini, tapi yang gue tau dari tweets atau tumblr posts nya dia tadinya sedikit sedih di masalah percintaan. Oke I might not be correct, tapi itu yang gue tangkep dari nada tweet/post nya. Kita jarang banget ketemu sih, tapi pernah bbm-an update2 cerita beberapa kali, dan taunya tadi malam, gue lihat status dan foto bbm nya dia, stating that she’s engaged! I was quite surprised karena nggak kedengeran kalo dia misalnya udah punya pacar baru atau apa gitu.. so out of curiosity I bbm-ed her. Nanya langsung ga pake basa basi, “are you engaged?” and she said Yes! Dia cerita sedikit, she’s now engaged with her ex. Long story short they used to be together, broke up, now back together and go straight to the next level, engaged and planning to get married soon. So happy for her! Emang ya jodoh nggak kemana.. :)

Anyway, I may not be that close with both si Komik dan si Tumblr. We’re just good friends from university. But hearing their stories made me realize, that my happiness will come as well, just right in time. Thank you girls, for sharing bits of your happy stories with me. I am so happy for you two, and wish you the best for your next steps.

long walk

2011-06-13T20:39:00.000+07:00

I always enjoy a long walk.

A long walk might be just a simple exercise to burn your calories from the doughnuts you’ve eaten.

A long walk might be a time to reflect on … things.

I just had my long walk yesterday, and it was the second one.

I had to go to Depok from Senayan by public transport, and instead of taking a cab I decided to take transjakarta, knowing that I had to change several routes, including 2 angkot rides. Though it took me almost two hours to reach Senayan, I was quite happy! Because I got to walk when changing routes, and I got to see things and reflect.

When was the last time you had a walk? :)

not my usual afterhours

2011-06-13T20:05:00.000+07:00

For the past week, afterhours have been very fun for me. Every day after work I met my friends for a simple chat over dinner or coffee. Call them catch-up sessions, because mostly they are my long-lost friend. However, for privacy reasons, I am gonna keep their names anonymous.

On Monday night, I met the long haired girl. I call her so because I adore her long, jet black hair. Her hair is always on its place, silky and nice. She’s originally the high-school best friend of my uni best friend, but we got close since we organized our best friend’s hen night a couple months back. We are both single, in our mid-20s, so our topic for that night was about finding Mr.Right. She’s done with Mr.Right now, while I’m recovering from a misfortunate event with Mr.Wrong, so we are both looking for Mr.Right. The big question for that night was “is there a Mr.Right, or Mr.Almost Right will do?” will we find someone who perfectly fits us, complement each other like bread and butter, or will we have to settle with the almost perfect, with a lot of compromise. You see, my previous relationships were about compromise. we were opposites attract. But somehow, I’m longing to be with my perfect match. Someone who will enjoy my spontaneous actions and trips, my kind of music, and my eagerness to explore the world as much as I do. Someone who share the same dream and passion… ah will it be nice to be with your perfect match? But again, the big question… is there such thing as your perfect match, or it is only Mr. almost right, with a lot of compromise? Time will tell, I guess :)

The next night, I met the runner. She is my ex-colleague from my first office. We both left that office and working in a new one, but we still hang out occasionally just to catch up. She is always full of energy and positivity, and I believe those are the things that brought her to where she is now. She is now working for the Indonesian representative of a global brand (it’s either her brand or Coca-Cola which has the highest brand equity number, so I’ve read somewhere…), and that’s why I call her the runner, because her brand deals with sports, especially running. She is very passionate about running, and it has been in her dream to work for this brand. After several years of hard work, she made it! She got to work for that brand! Apart from that, she is also a part of a very cool web-zine for the youngsters. That web zine, if im not mistaken, were published only 2 years ago, yet it has been reviewed in several media, including a nation-wide newspaper. How cool is that?! I’m still amazed at how she has grown since the last time we were working in the same office. Her secret, I guess, is her energy, positivity, and passion. She told me to find my passion and work based on it. That’s what she is doing now, she’s passionate about running and marketing, so her job now involves both. As for me, I know that marketing is my passion but I’m still in process to decide what my other passion is.. will it be music, or traveling? Thank you, dear the runner for reminding me to pursue my true passion :)

On Wednesday, I met the junior high-school best friend. It has been a long time since I last saw her, and just days ago I heard that she is getting married, so we arranged a catch up meeting. Her news was quite surprising for me, because the last time we met, she told me that she just broke up with her boyfriend, let’s just call him the engineer simply because he is one, and now she told me that she is getting married with him! Life brings you surprise, eh? I still remember how she felt when she broke up, how she almost gave up in love, the drama she had to deal with. But later on, the engineer suddenly contacted her again, explained everything and ask her to come back with him. Long story short, they had her engagement party two weeks ago and planning to get married by the end of this year! You see, no one can interrupt God’s plans, can they? Ahh.. so happy for her!

The following night, Thursday, I met the long-haired girl again, plus another friend of ours, let’s call her the artist, because she’s always into art. She can draw very nicely, can write as well, and now working as an architect/designer. She used to work in Bali for several months, and now back in town. We chatted about her life there, and it made me wonder… it would be nice to work outside Jakarta, for a couple of months, just for a change. I think I need it at the moment, just to get myself back on track. But anyway, be careful what you wish for! Some say that as much as we hate this firkin big Durian, we always miss it when we’re away.

Then on Friday, I went to Plaza Senayan to meet an old high school friend. Let’s call her the debater, because she was very active in our debate society back in high school, even in Uni (We happen to got into the same uni). Last time I saw her was back in 2009 when we went to Singapore to watch Coldplay along with some other friends. You see we were never that close but whenever we meet we can still catch up and share stories. So… we met, she asked me stories about my postgrad life in UK because she is planning to get a masters as well. Then I told her my story, and we chatted, chatted and chatted, until it turns out that we both experienced similar misfortunate event just recently! Anyway, we chatted about a lot of things, including work, and she gave me insight about how I might be able to change the world (read: my country) in terms of its tourism. Wooohoooo!!! maybe some of you already know that I have quite a passion in destination branding, thus I have some plans to work in that sector. (still plans tho.. as I’ve mentioned before I am still deciding on things..) thanks, the debater! I had a fun chat with you and we should do it again soon, yes?

Well .. well.. quite a long post is it? It’s just I never expected that my simple catch ups with my old friends would give me soooo much to learn and to think about! (in a good way, of course) I guess I’m lucky enough to have such brilliant and inspiring friends.. thank YOU!

Day 23

2011-06-05T13:38:00.001+07:00

Day 23 – Something you crave for a lot?

Sejak awal tahun, tepatnya sejak peristiwa nggak mengenakkan yang terjadi di hidup gue awal tahun kemarin, gue kepingiiinn banget ke pantai. Pingin main pasir, main air, duduk – duduk sama angin pantai. Kangeeenn bgt. Hahahaha. *agak lebay*

Tapi beneran, I need to go to the beach to let go of things. Dulu waktu peristiwa nggak mengenakkan taun 2007, gue sempet diculik temen-temen kuliah, trus pergi ke sundaze, dan sampe pagi ngobrol2 di dermaga ancol (HAHAHA ), kalo diinget lagi kok (lumayan) norak juga ya. Tapi seinget gue, pulang dari malem minggu random di ancol itu, gue bisa ketawa – ketawa bebas lagi. Trus, gak lama kemudian, gue berangkatlah liburan taun baru, ke BALI. Kurang pantai/laut apa dong? Walaupun setelah diinget lagi lumayan dikit waktu main di lautnya (seinget gue, gue agak2 perlu maksa beberapa orang buat nemenin gue ke pantai terdekat buat main air), tapi liburan Bali waktu itu bener – bener gave me a fresh new start. Langsung lupa sama semuaa drama drama kehidupan saat itu. (bear in mind I was only 21 back then..)

Sekarang, 3 tahun kemudian, peristiwa nggak mengenakkan terjadi lagi di hidup gue awal tahun kemarin. Udah lah yaa.. ga usah diomongin lagi. Tapi gue kadang – kadang masih merasa kosong. Capek sendiri deh.. udah 5 bulan woooy, udah kenapa. I want the old me back. And somehow I think I will find it in the sea.

Kalo diinget lagi, kapan terakhir gue ke laut/pantai ya? Dulu di Bournemouth hampir tiap hari pulang kerja pasti main ke pantai kecuali pas winter (iyalah, dingiiiin). Summer pun kalo sore udah mulai dingin anginnya. Biasanya gue duduk2 aja bengong dan liatin orang sekitar sampe sore trus kedinginan sendiri (hahaha bodoh yaaa. Apalagi pas summer, seminggu sekali pasti BBQ-an sama teman2. Seriiing abis BBQ-an kalo summer! (huaaa kangeeennn) Nah sejak pulang ke Indonesia, ampir ga pernah ke pantai/laut lagiii. Paling terakhir bulan maret kayaknya mendadak Ancol sama Uddy, Epi dan Mba Kentya, tapi itu juga lebih ke Seaworld, Dufan, trus Segarra. Kurangg lautnya yaaaa… hehe.

Itulah makanyaaa gue craving sangat ke laut. Pantai. Apalah pokoknya yang ada pasirnya, mataharinya, air asinnya, sama angin-nya. Kalo perlu yang ada burung camarnya segala deh. Hehehe.

Now the big questions arise, KAPAAANN dan KEMANAAAA? *sigh*

Pengen ke Bali tapi summer begini tiketnya ga nahaan. Toh gue juga udah berhasil beli tiket promo air asia ke Bali tapi buat tahun depan hahaha. Mau ke Tidung sih kayaknya, lumayan snorkeling2, tapi masih bulan Juli. Kayaknya mau ke Karimun Jawa juga, tapi akhir Juni. Yaa gak lama sih.. tapi smoga aja salah satu diantara itu ada yang kesampean. Till then, kayaknya gue mendingan ke Ancol lagi nih dalam waktu dekat, sekedar dapet angin laut ajaaa. Anyone would like to come as well? :D

Hello June!

2011-06-05T13:29:00.000+07:00

Whoaaa udah bulan Juni aja! 6^th month of the year! Panik lah.. perasaan cepet banget taun ini berjalan. This time last year gue lagi sibuk-sibuknya campaign planning, musti prepare creative pitching ke BBC UK. Teruuus, lagi seru-serunya nikmatin Summer di UK. Kesenengan, soalnya udah lama gak liat matahari dan bejemur! Hahahaha.

Okee sekarang gue mau ngomongin konser, soalnya akhir – akhir ini banyaaaakk banget musisi dan grup2 band yang dateng ke Indonesia. Sebagai avid music listener, tentunya gue supeeer semangat dengan banyaknya konser-konser yang ada di Indonesia. Tapi sayangnya, dompet gue nggak ikutan semangaaaat hahaha, jadi tentunya gue harus pilih-pilih mau nonton konser apa.

Tahun ini, gue cukup beruntung bisa nonton beberapa konser ciamik, and im gonna share some of my experiences…. Dimulai dari Beat Fest 2011, yang ada The Whitest Boy Alive + MGMT di Bengkel Night Park Jakarta. Tanggalnya 26 Maret. Gak terlalu memorable sih konsernya buat gue, despite si MGMT yang emang keren bgt (gak terlalu merhatiin TBWA soalnya datengnya telat :p) dan the fact bahwa ada segerombolan “happy goers” yang seru sendiri di belakang gue karena bantuan “happy substance” hahaha, tapi ya so far konsernya, gitu aja. Oh iya dengg.. perlu di take note bahwa visuals nya keren banget! Hampiiiiir sekeren AIR di London :D

Lanjut ke konser kedua di tahun ini, Tahiti 80 di Bandung. Tanggalnya 30 April. Konser yang ini lumayan menyenangkan sih, soalnya perginya sekalian road trip dan jalan-jalan kuliner di Bandung. Nonton konsernya sendiri sih cuma beberapa jam, tapi jalan-jalan di bandungnya menyenangkaan, alias makan mulu gue hahaha. Okeoke back to the concert story, hehehe. Overall it was a nice and decent performance. Lokasinya sendiri di kampus UNPAD, berbarengan sama jazz festivalnya unpad, mirip2 JGTC gitu lah.. jadi gak Cuma tahiti 80 yg tampil. Gue sendiri sebenernya udah pernah nonton Tahiti 80 beberapa tahun yg lalu di Soundshine Jakarta, tapi menurut gue performance mereka tetap seru! They were really nice, they communicate well with the audience, bahkan di lagu terakhir salah satu dari mereka sempet mainin suling. Niiice!

Konser ketiga, Sara Bareilles di Jakarta, 12 Mei. To be honest gue tadinya cuma suka sedikit lagu-lagunya dia.. Love Song, Many the Miles, Gravity, King of Anything, Uncharted. Udah. Tapiii gue sempet nge-youtube performance nya dia di kota-kota lain, dannn ternyata bagus!! Okelah jadi gue beli tiketnya, and went. Ternyataaa the concert was beyond my expectation!! She’s veryyy entertaining, keren bgt dan bahkan dia sempet nyanyiin “Forget you-Cee Lo Green”! senenggg bgt deh gue, yeay!! For sure ini bakal jadi salah satu konser yang akan gue ingat selalu.. (for personal reasons as well sih…hihi)

Konser keempat, Ben Folds di Jakarta, 26 Mei. Yang ini judulnya konser dadakan. Hahaha. Gue suka lagu-lagunya Ben Folds, tapi gak begitu tau orang yang bakal nonton juga, jadi gak terlalu bersemangat nyari temen buat nonton. Tapiii pas hari H gue mendadak lagi galau dan mendadak pengen bersendu sendu ria nonton Ben Folds, jadilah gue brangkats. Awalnya gue tweet dulu, “mendadak pengen nonton Ben Folds nanti malam”. Taunya di reply sama salah satu temen gue, diajakin bareng sama dia. Yaudah lah, pulang kantor gue langsung brangkat, dapet tiket di calo (100k less the original price :P) dannn ternyata konsernya baguuuusss!!! Yeay! Oke emang lagu2nya sendu dan gue awalnya sempet terbawa suasana. Tapii si Ben Folds ini sangaatlah lucu dan dia entertainer banget, padahal he was only alone with his piano, tapi bisa banget megang crowdnya. Jadilah gue gak ada waktu buat ber sendu-sendu ria, instead malah ketawa dan senang2 nonton performancenya! It was a great night, and a great concert, another one that will surely be remembered! :D

OK so I’ve watched 4 concerts this year, quite a lot yes? Masih belom tau sih kedepannya mau nonton apa lagi.. there will be Fat Boy Slim next week, tapi pas hari kerjaaaa. Gue ikutan kontes sih di malesbanget.com, kalo menang, gue brangkaaat! Hehehe. Truuus bulan juli juga bakal ada Java Rocking Land, with performances from The Cranberries and 30 Seconds to Mars. Wooohoo! Kayaknya gue bakal nonton jugaaa nih. But let’s see, haven’t booked my tickets. Oh.. and OWL CITY’s coming to town as well in October.. but tickets are sold out alreaaady! Kesel x_x

2011 is surely a good year for a music listener, right? :)

greener grass

2011-05-24T00:48:00.000+07:00

Lately I’ve been thinking of how my life would be if I stayed in the UK. I keep missing my life there so so so much it’s getting annoying. It’s as if I can’t face the reality that my one year period of living there is over. DONE. goodbye.I still can feel shivers when I see my UK pictures photo album. Still check my friends’ facebook page occasionally just to see how they’re doing. Post comments of how “I wish I was there” and “I miss you guys so much” in facebook. Received messages/emails/skype chats from them, asking how my life is here. Really, it’s as if I cant face reality.

Then I finally was able to skype chat with some of my friends there. All this time I tried to arrange a skype chat with them but kept failing, it’s either I was busy or they was busy, we just never seem to be able to get online at the same time! But just this weekend I finally had a skype chat with them! So happy to be able to chat like the old times again.. we shared stories and updates of our lives.

To my surprise, when it comes to updates about our ex-classmates, some of them are actually still struggling to get a proper job in UK! I thought everyone has finally settled down with a proper job somehow. But then again, turns out that not everyone has! One friend of mine just left her job because the company she worked for is too small and could not pay her properly. So she left the job, and now working as a waitress in a café in London, while trying to get a better job.

The story made me think, if I stayed in UK, I’d probably stay the same, still working in Burger King, 40 hours a week, struggling to get a proper job. In that case, I think I can be considered lucky that I have a stable job in this multinational company.

See.. grass is always greener on the other side. Try to enjoy what you have and be thankful of it! :D

Day 22

2011-05-22T15:33:00.003+07:00

back again to the 30 days writing challenge! day 22 now..
"what makes you different from everyone else?"

it's the fact that i eat Somay without the sauces.
it's the fact that i cant event pronounce my own name right (cadel)
it's the fact that i'm a bit clumsy cos i like to drop things
it's the fact that i have 3 nicknames
it's the fact that i love to try everything new!
it's the fact that i cant eat spicy food despite my manado-sunda roots.
it's the fact that i get gloomy when i go to mountains, the opposite when i go to the beach

combine them all.. voila! that's ME :)

sunday afternoon

2011-05-22T14:50:00.006+07:00

whoa i finally got the time to check on my blog, and i just realized HOOOOWWW STUPID i was to post all those whiny sad stories of my past breakup. stupid. childish. drama. LOL!
so i decided to delete some of the post.. and start fresh. :)

btw, i think i need to go out more. meet new people. i miss my old "happy-go-lucky" self, the one that will light up the room. i hate being gloomy most of the time.. sigh. process, process, time will heal and i shall be back! :)

oh.. and after this post im gonna continue my 30 days writing challenge. i've gone until day 21 before the unfortunate event happened.. so gonna continue from there.

one last thing, a recent mood booster from Nina Kavtaradze, my best friend from Russia. never fails to make me smile with her kind words, thank you Nina :)

back...

2011-05-17T15:48:00.002+07:00

hi there.
it's me. im back.
i know my blog has not been the nicest blog to be read lately, as i've been posting endless whining and stories about my so-called-love drama. BORINGGG. yeah i know. sorry bout that.

anyway, it's been..4 months? 5 months already since the ugly breakup. what have i been doing ever since? nothing much, just trying to mend this broken heart, really.

then i decided to go on vacation. this time it was with a friend of mine, who asked me to watch Thriller live in Singapore with her. at first i didnt wanna go, cos the last time i went to Singapore was with the ex-boyfriend, days before he broke up with me. bollocks. so i thought i wasn't ready to visit the country again. but i thought again, and decided to go, wouldn't wanna let my current unfortunate event prevent me from having fun!

So i went. it was only a weekend trip. arrived friday afternoon, watched the musical on friday night, and left on sunday morning. but i remember my cousin told me that every trip must teach you lesson, so that you wont only be wasting money. and my lesson is this...

i met two friends there, Fika and Tya. Fika is currently doing her postgrad study in public policy, and Tya is currently working as a web/application designer in Singapore. Both are brilliant, in their own fields, and they both are really inspiring. young and full of vision, im sure they'll be someone in the near future. and from them, i got a lesson, that life's too beautiful and short to be heartbroken over a guy who's prolly never think of you anymore!! stupid of me, almost decided to stop fulfilling my dream in working abroad just because of a guy.

so yeah, im gonna stoppppp blaming myself for what happened in my last relationship, gonna close that book and move on.
cheers to life! :)

Changes

2011-03-08T01:35:00.001+07:00

Seumur umur, baru pernah ada orang yg bilang gue 'kalem', dan 'tenang'.
Where's the old sunny me? The one who lights up the room with her positivity?
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Hello

2011-02-16T18:08:00.001+07:00

Hi world.
Why can't I smile like the way I used to?

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Truth

2011-01-30T12:53:00.001+07:00

I need you to look me in the eye and tell me what's inside your mind,cos right know I really can't tell.
I need you to tell me the truth. And nothing else.
Please? :)
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What

2011-01-28T17:46:00.001+07:00

What did I do wrong to deserved to be treated like this, really?
What happened to our promises?
:( :( :( :(
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Why?

2011-01-26T21:35:00.001+07:00

What on earth did I do to be treated like this, really?
Why why why why?
Don't you even care??
Has it gone completely?
How come you've gone from person who cares about me the most, to the person who doesn't even give a d*mn about me?

Why why why why??

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